No Wonder Van Gogh Cut Off His Ear

For MONTHS AND MONTHS I have been planning to paint some canvases for my new little neice. I'm painting the letters of her name on 5x7 canvases. It will be spectacular. Do you know what you need to paint letters on canvases? There are a couple of essential items. Let me enumerate:

1. Correct letters. Sweet was born on Saturday and her mom and dad (my bro and SNL) finally shared her name upon her arrival! This allows me to know the exact letters, in correct order, other than, "Her name has eight letters." So, now I can paint the letters on the canvases! But you can't paint without...

2. Paint. Her room is pink and I already painted a chocolate brown ribbon on the wall. The canvases are cream (light mocha to be exact) and I'm painting brown letters with a pink trim. There will also be pink and brown accents such as dots and stripes and swirls and dashes. I have the perfect paint pens and multiple shades of pink and brown. I'm almost ready! Now all I need are...

3. Paintbrushes. Naturally. I have a perfect set that I've accumulated throughout the years. I have old brushes for ratty shading and spotting. I have new brushes for trim work. I have thin, thick, pointy, fan, wide, narrow brushes. They are a treasure for any artist.

Okay that might be taking it a little far. But forgive me for my dramatization. I'm just a little torn up over the fact that I'VE LOST AND/OR CANNOT FIND MY FRICKIN PAINTBRUSHES!

I wrote the letters on the canvases today. It looks wonderful. The image in my head is nothing short of excellence. I can't wait to start painting! I get out the paints. And then I go to the craft box, where all essential painting items have always been stored, and I am unable to locate the brushes. I really believe the BrushBurglar came in here and swiped them to dash my hopes of pretty-pink-and-brown-baby-girl-little-miss-priss-ooooh-and-ahhh-CANVAS-PAINTING!

Okay stop right there. Perhaps something in the above paragraph is not accurate. And if you're thinking it's that the BrushBurglar did not steal the brushes, then YOU'RE WRONG, because he did. He exists. Kind of like the HamBurglar from McDonald's circa 1989. Side note: Where did all those characters go? Did Ronald take 'em out back and beat 'em because they were getting attention, too? And why can't I recall the names of any other characters? I digress. Focus. In the above paragraph I may have mentioned that all craft items are always kept in the designated craft item location. And that is very true. Except for when I throw them down wherever I please and pledge to put them away later.

Said brushes could be at my parents' house, my bro and SNL and Sweet's house, or hiding in any unseen location around my house.

If the BrushBurgler didn't get them then I bet the big purple character from McDonald's took them. I think his name was McPaintbrush McHidey.