We are the more complex, yet smarter, gender.

And by we...I mean my entire audience. I can pretty much guarantee "we" are all female. I can also pretty much guarantee that I know every single person's first and last name that reads this blog. Oh yes, I am quite the internet phenomenon.

So here are two stories that remind me of the fact of our superiority. I think you'll like them.

Conversation Between Two Men #1
Jeff: So I've been dating this girl for a while now.
Will: Cool. Good luck with that, man.
(And just so you know, this convo is probably filed under "Best conversations I've ever had with one of my closest friends" for both of these gents. I also added the "good luck" part because they are close. I don't know that it was actually said.)

My reaction to Convo #1:
(quite some time later) Me: Uh Will...I hear Jeff's dating some one new! What's her name?
Will: I don't know.
Me: Why not?
Will: I didn't ask.
Me: Weren't you with him all weekend?
Will: Yes.
Me: Did you guys talk about it? Did he tell you about her?
Will: No. Stop asking me questions.

Conversation Between Two Men #2
Gary: Debbie emailed me this week. (to clue you in, Debbie and Gary had broken up 1+ year ago)
Bill: Hmmm...I haven't heard that name in a while.

Gary: Yeah, something about how she got a wine from a vineyard we went to.

Bill: Ah. Well...how's Travis?

(Gary filled Bill in about his son Travis and the men moved on.)

Bill relayed this story to me. My reaction and Christine's reaction to this convo:
Christine: Did he email her back?
Bill: I don't know.
Me: Why'd she email?
Bill: (confused stare)
Me: Well, she didn't email to tell him about wine from a vineyard.
Bill: (DUMBFOUNED LOOK) Yes she did! That's what her email said!
Christine and Anne look at each other and laugh.
Me: Men are stupid.
Bill: You women are wind-talking again. I don't understand.


All of this is just a humorous reminder that I need every once in a while to remind me that men are stupid. Say it slowly...say it with me...men are stupid. What don't they get about the next-logical questions? These are FOLLOW-UP questions here! They are rational.

However, it helps me understand some people a little better and how I was probably never at fault and never did anything wrong. It's just that the man was too stupid to thoroughly process my phonecalls or texts. They just don't think it through. Perhaps you know what I'm talking about.

And if what I said earlier is true -that I know the first and last name of each of my readers- then I know you are all married or in a serious relationship and you'll agree. Maybe you won't use the word stupid...because you promised to love one of them through sickness and stupidity is a sickness that never goes away...but maybe dense, thoughtless, ill-thinking, or inherently flawed is more appropriate.

You be the judge.

Plagued I Am Not

Just when things are going good...when things are right in the world...when things are coming together...

I'm reminded how quickly I can be brought down. Brought down to a place where, at 27-years-old, I can not physically function on my own and must rely on my parents to feed me and make sure I'm in a safe place to sleep. As opposed to the bathroom floor of my apartment - the spot where I fainted Friday morning.

I found out today that I do not have the bubonic plague, like I had hoped. No no, it's just some accute bronchitis. Yup...a two hour trip to the urgent care clinic answered all my questions. It is at this location that I fainted twice, fell asleep on the examining table several times, and had my Mommy drive me to and fro. As I left, the office staff asked, "Is she all right?" I looked at them like, "Eat it people. You are the medical professionals here. Am I? Am I going to live?" I just don't know. It is also at this urgent care clinic that a doctor with ZERO personality determined that I needed a shot in my bum, Robitussin with CODINE, and a pill to cure something-or-other. I don't care...load me up.

I don't remember the last time I had a shot, certainly on my rear, but I was so excited to hear that he wanted to give me one. Shots mean business. Shots mean that medicine is coursing through you ASAP. Shots mean that yes, you aren't being a wuss, you really are sick. However, when a middle aged woman is groping your butt, it is very hard to do what she asks, "Relax." Mom said the needle was huge and I TOTALLY tensed up. I keep having to check to make sure my right leg is still attached because I don't feel it...and I'm dragging leg behind me as I go.

So I thought I'd blog to say that I'm still alive...barely...but these drugs should have me better in no time! I'm off to have some dinner with a side of Codine. I'll wake up sometime Sunday evening I presume.

Sensory Overload

So proud of myself. Yet humble.
This is show business, not show friends.
Thankful. Grateful.
Blessed.
Overwhelmed. Sensory overload.
Excited. Emphatic. Enthusiastic.
Intelligent.
Busy. A lot to do.
Graceful.
Independent. Strong. Trailblazer.
Safe. Secure. Confident.
Trusting. Held.
Patient. Peaceful.

How is it possible to feel all of this in one day...let alone in a short span of time? I don't know how but I do know that it is possible.


I bought a house today. All by myself. I said a while back when this process was just in the early stages that it was time to "put my big girl panties on and deal with it." Well...

I am woman. HEAR. ME. ROAR.

Brevity is not my gift.

This is my song for the day: http://www.myspace.com/caedmonscall. Make sure you have "There is a Reason" playing. Here are the lyrics. And, because I think I'm well-versed in musical interpretations, mine follows.

late at night I wonder why
sometimes I wonder why
sometimes I'm so tiredI don't even try
seems everything around me fails
but I hold on to the promise
that there is a reason

late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
the history of the saints who've gone in front of me
through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
cause there is a reason
there is a reason

HE MAKES ALL THINGS GOOD
HE MAKES ALL THINGS GOOD
there's a time to live
and a time to die
A TIME FOR WONDER AND TO WONDER WHY
cause there is a reason
there is a reason

I believe in a God who sent His only son
to walk upon this world and give His life for us
with blood and tears on a long, dark night
we know that He believed
that there is a reason
there is a reason

for the lonely nights
and broken hearts
the widow's mite
in the rich man's hand
and the continent
whose blood becomes a traitor

for the child afraid to close their eyes
the prayers that seem unanswered
there is a reason
there is a reason

So God gave me this song today. And how often have we heard that "God works things to our good" and "There is a reason"? Yeah...me too...A LOT. So much so that it is, at times, the antithesis of helpful. It is nauseating. But not today, dear people. Today this song resonates in every line.

I drove away from a very important duty today with tears in my eyes and this song was on the radio. How do people have unbelief that God shows up through song, a breeze, a chance happening? I'm glad I'm not one of those people. I know he shows up. He just did.

Time and Reason. 'There's a time for everything' and 'There is a reason.' Two notions I won't soon forget.

Fought the Good Fight...

After a lot of campaigning, persuasion, bribery, and some other unmentionable actions...I must report that I have not been selected as TOY. Also known as, Teacher of the Year.

I know. You're as surprised as I am. I didn't even make it to the Finals.

Perhaps it was because I didn't start tutoring the kids early enough. Perhaps it was because I told someone to "JUST GO PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE OR HEAR YOUR VOICE FOR A WHILE!" Can you believe the principal got mad when I told her that? Or maybe it was the time I told a kid to "rub some dirt on it" instead of sending him and his bloody puncture wound to the Nurse.

There are truly so very many reasons that I am more often than not considered MCNTOY (Most Certainly Not Teacher of the Year) or WTE (Worst Teacher Ever) than TOY. But I can't dwell on what I've done wrong or how I could change or become better.

Wait. I think that's exactly what I'm supposed to do. Improve.

And maybe...just maybe...I'll stop yelling at kids and refine my instructional strategies and I'll get another shot. But hey...it's only my fifth year teaching and I've been nominated twice...so my career isn't a total bust. Thank you for your support and donations, friends.

Help!

I didn't set the goal of going out to help someone today...but I did! I guess one should be more humble about it...and it really wasn't a big deal...but it was nice and helpful. I felt good after I did it.

Oh and I ate an entire box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Spirals tonight. The spirals part is imperative. And currently, I'm sucking down a chocolate milkshake from the fine establishment that is known as Sonic. I'm consuming it with so much speed and force that I have given myself a cramp underneath my right lung. But these aren't the things I did today that were nice and helpful. I just wanted to share.

I helped a fellow in my apartment complex jump start his dead battery this afternoon. It's what Martin would want me to do. I think it made the world a better place.

I was just going out to run some errands and he asked me if I had "5 minutes and some jumper cables." Well sure! So, I pulled my car up, got out the cables and told Bill that I would let him "do the heavy lifting" as I handed him the cables. I always forget which car you're supposed to start with, and if you do black before red or red before black. AHHHH! And, since it was raining, I also determined that I'd prefer Bill to suffer the consequences of playing with electrical currents and water.

I'm not certain Martin would have wanted me to prefer for someone else to get injured rather than myself. But hey...I'm helping the dude out...and it's his dead car. I ain't gonna suffer.

Goal Tending

Everyone has "things to do." A lengthy, overwhelming at times, and seemingly neverending To Do List. And boy, does it feel good to check those things off - no matter how great or small. Errands, projects, duties, responsibilites, obligations, deposits into relationships. I'm sure these are all things on your list at one time or another. Or, if you're like me, they are on the list with consistency.

But I want to get deeper. Let's bypass the things that we have to do -because remember, we're trying to Be Still- and let's set some goals. Yes, they can be objectives...but more hopes, dreams, ideals for interactions and living this week.

We can sure complicate life. Raise your hand if you think this life is easy...not so fast Miss Rose. So I've got tons to do this week...and we're all connected because I'm not alone in that. We may have different things to do, and at different times we have varying magnitudes accompanying those things, but we are all busy.

Do you have a list? Well, I'm going to try to connect with the humanness in us all. Here is my list:

1. Smile and be extra kind to a parent in my classroom every time I see him this week. Even if it's pretending. Try not to pretend.
2. Tell someone exactly how much they have helped me during a very important time in my life. Don't write it down (though that is nice), but tell her to her face so she knows how sincere I am.
3. Exhibit independence and intelligence on Wednesday. But trumping these two should be grace and humility. Don't freak out, too.

Okay, I think three'll do it. That's pretty much all I can handle. But I'll try to do it all with a happy heart and with good manners.

Saying "yes ma'am" and "no sir" pretty much gives you a Free Pass.

Argh.

I'm blog-learning-disabled and don't know how to make the draft I created a couple of days ago show up to the most recent post. You need to IMMEDIATELY scroll down to Jan.14 to see the Comprehensive List of Hot Men.

I was thinking the other day that I'd think it was completely shallow and sleazy if guys created a list like this. And I'd like to take this time to point out that I don't compile a list such as this one in the same fashion as guys do. I think a dude would utter some pretty vulgar language and have numerous, questionable thoughts running through his head.

Not me. I just think these boys are pretty.

So pretty.

Just Some Observations

Seriously, it's like people are TRYING to have children out of wedlock. It's like the girl says, "You know what sounds like fun? Let's just play roulette and see if I can't make my dad come after you with a rifle."

Or maybe that's just what my dad would do. Except that it would be more like a pellet pistol.

Matthew McConaughey knocked a girl up and the hot Victoria's Secret girl (not like I needed to use 'hot' as an adjective there) is now preggers! This only adds to the extremely long list of 'celebrities' with just too much time on their hands. Or not enough money to afford acceptable birth control.

Another observation: I want to go on American Idol...subscribing to the foolishness of how great one thinks one can sing when one is alone in the car with the music blaring...because I watched it tonight (I WATCHED TV!) and they were horrible! That Simon Cowell knows what he's talking about. Plus, he's got that endearing British accent.

And lastly: I LOVE ME SOME COLLEGE BASKETBALL! Just when I'm beginning to fill the pit in my stomach caused by the end of college football, the sports world is alive with BASKETBALL! It does my soul some good to know that March Maddness is not too far away. Except that my team is losing at this moment to my least favorite university in existence. It is an away game for my team and I suspect there is a sniper in the arena and someone put something in the water to cause us to have 13 turnovers in the first half alone. 13, people! We have the better part of the second half to pull out a W, so you're telling me there's a chance.

From unexpected buns in the oven to 'pitchy singing Dawg' to college hoops...I feel a little better about my life today.

Be Still...

Several irons in the fire. Don't know when to quit. Go go go. Nonstop. Achieve. Higher. More. GIVE ME MORE.

Yup, that's how I view life. I once decided that if I achieve and go and do more then the life that I want will hurry up and get here. If I can just check off the boxes of things to do in life...If I can just power through today, then tomorrow will get here...and...maybe...

Tomorrow. Maybe. Just maybe it will happen.

The kicker is that I still think that I have never missed out on the life that I've been given (or the life that I've chosen) because it's been fast and furious and busy the last couple of years. It's what I like. I'm proud of it. But too proud? What is the definition of too proud? How much should I do? When do I just stop and Be Still?

Last night I decided that I needed to Be Still. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God." I'm sure we know that verse well...perhaps have it committed to memory. But how often are you still? I can't be the only one here that is in a constant state of motion and getaheadedness. (Yes, it's a word.) So I meditated on that...prayed on it...and that lasted for the minutes before bed. I'll be still when I sleep, I think. But not now...there's too much to do.

Stillness. It's something I fear. I think that if I'm still, I'm missing out. I'm not proactive. I'm not achieving, I'm wasting precious time, I'm not becoming better. Better than what? Well that, I don't know. But I fear that I'm going to get behind...behind someone, miss out on something, not the best person I can be and that is unacceptable. But what if all the GO GO GO has caused me to not be alert enough to see something else?

Well, I think God has provision in that. I don't know if I've missed something...thought I don't feel I have...but recently I hear something that tells me, "Sit. Be still. Rest." God provides in giving me the right time and right place to Be Still. Recover.

I don't know the last time I napped or rested on a weekend...except when I was sick. I tried to rest today when I came home from school. And by rest I mean sit down. I sat down on the yoga ball (why sit in a chair when you can sit on a bouncy ball to work your midsection?). Pretty promplty, I realized I needed to check email, then I contacted people on house stuff, jumped rope literally 1,000 times, and packed tons of boxes (Oh my holy...I had forgotten and underestimated the magnitude of kitchen gear I've accumulated). I could not rest. (However, during dinner preparation and eating I did watch 'Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant' and it is SPECTACULAR TELEVISION PROGRAMMING. Perhaps my senses to TV are deadened since I don't know the last time I watched a TV program that was not sports. Please go watch the Baio.)

So, my new plan is to make sure that I sit down for at least 30 minutes every day. Not reading at night before bed, not packing, not thinking about house or email or blog or school or LIFE. I even found a place to sit. Look, an unobstructed chair!

The chair is a far better option (well, the ONLY option) since the rest of my domicile looks like this...

So, I'm going to sit and Be Still. Today. And tomorrow. And the day after.

And when I sit, I want to know that He is God. Doesn't that sound nice?

Double Trouble

I just babysat the two most endearing identical twin girls ever created by God. No, not Mary Kate and Ashley.

I rocked little Morgan to sleep and then she woke up because she wanted more time with me. After her bottle, which she most pleasantly took, she just nuzzled next to my neck and let me rub her back. She made sweet, "ahhhhhhhh" noises as she filled her lungs with big, deep breaths and then drifted off into sleep. It's like she just wanted me to come over and hold her. I told her I loved her.

And then Taylor woke up and she asked me to rock her to sleep, too. She kept her eyes on mine and said she was glad I'm friends with her momma. I'm glad I'm friends with her momma, too. Taylor was asleep in no time but I held on to her a bit longer to smell her sweet baby and formula smell. I wish they could bottle that special little scent into an elixir. I told her I loved her, too.

Five month old babies do crazy things to a lady. Even the most rational, busy, and independent of women can't resist soft skin and little hands gripping your finger. It's like God is telling you, "Yes...I want you to do this one day." It stirs the most genuine of longings.

I remember in college how Loop called me to tell me, "You won't ever believe this but I met the COOLEST GUY! I'm sending you a picture right now...go check your email!" I told my roommates that I needed to drive to see her STAT because I was afraid aliens had infiltrated my most stable and ungirly of friends. And here she was just GUSHING about some random "dude who is SO FUNNY AND SO COOL." Seriously, it was like Loop was having an out of body experience...and I was too.

It's Morgan and Taylor's parents' third anniversary on January 15 and they have created this most precious family. I'm so glad they're here to let me share life with them.

Happy annivesary, Loop! You make a great momma. Dude, and that husband of your's is such a COOL AND FUNNY DUDE! Dude.



Post Script: Comprehensive List of Men We Love (or Think Are Hot) is in the draft stages. It is sweet my friends...gloriously and breathtakingly sweet.

Comprehensive List. Wow.

Here it is. I tried to wait for the last few people's picks...but the excitement just got to me. Enjoy, dear friends. And have a napkin ready to catch your drool.

I barely have words. But it's me, so of course I can think of something to say. Great work, everyone!

Josh Hartnett. "He had me at Pearl Harbor."

Matt Damon. "All around good guy. Loves his family and baseball!"

John Krasinski. "He's tall, funny, has an infectious smile and loves life." I personally ditto this and might steal him for my Top 5. This picture is more Jim Halpert, but it is why we love him even more.

Jesse Palmer. "He's BEAUTIFUL. Not just hot, but perfection. AND he loves sports!"

Patrick Dempsey. "Cute as can be and seems to be a good husband and dad."

I took the liberty of adding the next one even though I already picked 3.

Brady Quinn. I'm sorry...do you expect me to say something?

Tom Cavanagh. "A little piece of me will always reach out to him. My Special Ed."

Drew Daniel. From the cult classic Big Brother. There has been no finer winner (or player).

Amen.

My List

I don't really know how to title My List. But this is My List. I'm only going with three...though I'm sure I could force the issue with five. I would REALLY love for you guys to share your lists with me because...well...it's fun.

And I would like to know that I'm not crazy for thinking this. Like...all the time.

1. Josh Duhamel. Even though he's with Fergie Ferg. She looks rode hard and put up wet.


2. Thad Luckinbill. Because I will always and forever be in love with Young and the Restless.


3. And the always constant favorite...the comic who will always have my heart...even though he just got married and my soul cried a little...

Jimmy Fallon

Who is on Your List? And I do expect answers.

The Most Perfect Union

My kindergarten class started out really precious this week. But by Thursday...my patience has run thin. Four short days...it's like Santa stole their ability to raise their hands.

I tried to be calm and loving...gentle and kind. But the shrill volume, my word, the shrill volume.

You know what makes it better? Sporks.

It's the most useful untensil ever created. At our 10:30am "lunch", I am reunited with this fine form of cutlery and all is well in the world.

I'm considering buying sporks to use as my daily plasticware.

Pay it Back

As the saying goes..."Payback's a ditch." Or something like that. Let me share the ways that I've been paid back unpleasantly. I know...you can't wait to read this!

Payback #1. Since the students I teach are 5 and 6-years-old, I like to be above professional reproach and ask them personal questions that I know I can deny later. For example, I will ask kids about their home life, parents, siblings, etc, knowing full well that if they tell their parents that I asked this, I can respond with, "Ha! Kids say the funniest things! Listen to what they told me about you..." I was paid back today. Here's my converstaion with a couple of kids and they got way too personal.

Kid 1: Have you seen 'Enchanted?'
Miss Rose: No.
Kid 2: Have you seen 'Alvin and the Chipmunks.'
Miss Rose: No. I don't see too many kid movies.
Kid 1: Yeah, cause she doesn't have kids. Because she's not MARRIED.
Miss Rose: (slightly irritated) THANK YOU VERY MUCH LITTLE GIRL. I'M CERTAIN WE ALL NEEDED THAT REMINDER RIGHT NOW. (I was thankful for her rationalization of, no marriage=no kids.)
Kid 2: Is it true that if you don't get married, you'll die sooner?
Miss Rose: (even more irritated) NO IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT. You won't die sooner! Where did you hear that?
Kid 2: Kid 3 told me.
Miss Rose: Kid 3 get over here right now!
Kid 3: What?
Miss Rose: (to Kid 3, possibly the sweetest kid, but at this particular moment, he was a punk) Don't you say "what?" to me! Say, "Yes" or "Yes ma'am!" Why are you telling Kid 2 that people who aren't married will die sooner?
Kid 3: I don't know. (runs away, leaving Miss Rose puzzled and more irritated. Punk.)
Miss Rose: (to Kid 2) Why are you asking honey?
Kid 2: Because Kid 3 said if you hug you'll get married and I don't want to get married.
Miss Rose: I hug you guys all the time! It doesn't mean I'll marry you. It's just how you show someone you are proud of them or appreciate them or love them.
Kid 2: Okay. Well, I don't want to kiss anyone.
Miss Rose: You are too young to be kissing...let alone worry about marriage. Go home and talk to your parents about this. Miss Rose is spent. Go play with the blocks or taste glue.

Honest to goodness...that was a FOR REAL conversation I had today...okay, maybe not the part about tasting glue. And someone once told me that teaching Kindergarten wasn't mentally challenging. Well...you try answering life's questions to a 5-year-old. I was also asked today, "Why do people die?"

Payback #2. I have been having a hard time eating recently. Today was a little girl's birthday and she brought cupcakes and I decided to give it a shot. At 2:30pm, I consumed the most superb flour-sugar-water concoction I've ever put into my mouth. I attacked that thing with all the fury of a tornado in Kansas. I didn't even regret that my tongue, lips, and mouth were blue from the pure sugar and cream deliciousness that was once icing.

My payback came at 4:45pm, when that tasty little nugget was securly lodged under my right ribcage around mile 1 of the 4 mile run. I just remembered that Hannah-Montana-cupcake-perfection and kept on trucking.

Payback #3: I realize that through the years, I have avoided many phonecalls from 'gentleman callers' we shall say. It was just easier for me to not respond instead of having an uncomfortable 2 minute conversation. Well, I recognize now that I was a sleaze for not dignifying them with a response and a verbal, "No thank you." It's common human decency to give that to someone. Paybacks a serious ditch on this one because all the times I did that balled into one and I wasn't given a goodbye or a second thought or any remorse. Lesson learned...don't burn guys because they'll burn you back.

Payback #4. I was catcalled no less than 5 times today while I was out running. Lots of stares going on, too. I got a honk from the waste management specialist (aka Trashman), a honk AND A PULLOVER and "HEY!" by two workers in a green truck (admittedly, I picked up speed when they pulled over), a honk from a dude in a blue car (though I think I knew the person), and a wave from someone else. But my FAVORITE of the day was from two dudes in a red truck who yelled out the window, "I SEE YOU BABY! SHAKING THAT..." Oh yeah. They said it. I laughed. And waved. I wanted to stop them to see if they wanted my number. Truly, I'm just glad that the two high school kids thought so highly of a 27-year-old, that they'd jeer. It actually made me feel good...yeah, I still got it.

The payback comes from when I was visiting my college town and there was this cute boy running down the side of the road and I did a quadruple-take and announced to all my friends in the car, "DANG! I miss College Town. There are hot guys everywhere!" To my credit, I didn't lean out the window or honk or solicit myself to the nice young man. I thought about it though. Come to find out that the hot, young man was one of my best friend's future husband. Shout out to E!

Moral here folks: Kharma, pay backs, logic. Watch what you do and say because it's all coming back at ya!

Miss Rose at the Pulpit

My blogs might get a little preach-y from time to time. I hope you can deal. And if you can't, just say something like, "I'm rubber and you're glue...whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!" or something as equally mature.

Because if what I write bounces off of you and sticks to me...then great. I need it.

Hebrews Chapter 10:
23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Two things I want:
1. To really hang on unswervingly to the hope I profess...and the faith I believe...and my trust in the Lord. Unswervingly, people. Do you ever swerve? I do. Often, it starts like this: "I know I'm supposed to ___, but..." or "Well..." Sound familiar?
2. To spur on others toward love and good deeds. This might be through my funny stories or sharing a thought. Oh yeah...and Go Spurs Go! Therefore, I want to spur.

One thing I realize:
1. You people that read this are in the habit of meeting me and encouraging me. Whether it's a phonecall just to say hey, or a long email that lifts me up, or a hug that shares your love.

Thanks, friends.

Go...and swerve no more.

In case you care...

When I decide to write a blog, here is the process. I think to myself, "Well, I may lose all my friends if I don't write something clever or important. Go turn on the computer." And then I file a nail, put on some lotion, light a candle, take out the trash, pack a few things...because, as it turns out...I have severe ADD. Then I turn on the computer, look at the blog and think, "Nothing. I got nothing."

Then I go look at a couple websites that show Britney in all her unfit-motherhood glory, Jessica Alba's new prego belly, and other trashy news-worthy events! Then I look at people.com a couple other blogs, and I try to come up with something clever.

And then I get sad because I am in no way clever.

And then I sit and stare at the computer...much like I'm doing right now...and think, "What am I supposed to write next? I got nothing."

Then I think of something and try to write about it. As for today, I GOT NOTHING. So I'm going to share a secret that is 100% true. I'm not sure I'm going to vote Republican in the next Presidential election.

!!!

Oh calm down. All I'm saying is I'm not sure. I'm going to need all of the facts. And to help me learn about those facts (and the candidates themselves), I'm sure it will help when I watch quality programming such as E! News and Talk Soup. So quality.

What's in the box?

Oooo looky!

What could be in the box? A new pair of shoes?

Let's find out...

Almost...

Yup. It's my "tool box."

I asked my parents for a "tool box" for Christmas. I thought that was a VERY logical request what with the impending home-ownership and all. And the fact that as a single woman, I keep all necessary home-repair items in a FREAKING SHOE BOX! This, by the way, is a drastic improvement from the Target sacks that everything used to reside in.

Please notice the expensive roll of Scotch tape. That sucker cost me like $7.99. I keep nails in a bag, several boxes of batteries, matching hammer with several screw drivers, sandpaper, two mini staplers, picture hanging materials, and cables. All necessary items.

In a shoe box.

In case I'm ever stuck in my apartment and I have to MacGyver my way out.

Post Script: My parents did not get me a tool box, but they did give me a new camera, with which I took these pictures. Beggers can't be choosers.

Constitutional Hotness

He's just a 30-something-year-old, confused, emotionally wrought, good 'ol Texas boy. He's eloquent, polite, mostly respectful, successful, intelligent, and just trying to make it in this life. And I forgive him. How could you not?

Who is it? Before I tell you...let's review other forgivenesses. I just made up that word.

I forgave my dad for giving away my dog when I was in high school. I came home and had no dog. No warning...just no more dog. And I forgave Dad. That was huge.

I forgive Jesse Palmer for his womanizing ways. This one is important because he's hot. Every hot guy should be forgiven. I think that's in the constitution.

I forgive Kelly Ripa for birthing three children and having a rock-hard body. It's just not fair...but I forgive her.

And let's be honest...I can forgive others because others have to practice forgiveness with me with much more frequency. I do some pretty thoughtless things...like eat marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms, say mean things about boyfriends that I don't mean, say mean things about my friends' ability to perform in competitions. Yeah...I do some dumb things. Like I said yesterday, forgiveness is a key to good living. And I want to live good. Yesiree.

So...I said yesterday that you would shoot me for saying that I forgive him. But I do.

I forgive...none other than...Brad Womack. That's right, Bachelor Brad.

*GASP*

He was on Ellen back in November. Well, with the ingenious trickery that Hollywood calls reruns, I was able to catch the show yesterday. Poor man was OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable and just tried in his heart of hearts to explain himself. He was rubbing his hands, exhaling with puffed cheeks, and a little squirmy. I just felt for him.

Oh and he's hot. Yep, it's the 17th Amendment. Thou shalt forgive extraordinarily hot men.

Here are the points I forgive him on:
1. He said he's truly going through a break up and is not dating.
2. He said he regrets telling DeAnna that "Saturday will be a good day." He was trying to comfort her and he just said it. Everyone says things without thinking them all the way through. (Such as how I've said I don't want to be on her team because she will suck at Catchphrase. Sorry...I just said it.)
3. He truly wishes he found love because he believes in the fairytale romance. He's sad it didn't work out. Side note: I think Brad and I are the only two mentally defective people left in the world that still believes in this.
4. Under no circumstances did he ever ask the producers to fly her dad out to ask for her hand in marriage. !!! WELL I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT EARLIER. This is a huge point! He said that he told producers that if he planned on getting engaged, a phonecall would not be sufficient enough to ask for a woman's hand in marriage. He said he wants to look the woman's father in the eye and ask for her hand. The producers took it upon themselves to fly dad out...just in case.
5. This is the most relative point. It shakes me to my core and helps me understand life just a little bit better. He said, "There was definitely something, just not enough to pursue a relationship." I know exactly what he's talking about. And that is what makes me forgive him.

Road trip to Austin to go to his bars, anyone? I think it just might work out between him and me.

If you think I'm exercising flawed logic here, may I redirect you to the 17th Amendment? Forgive hot men.

On that note...I forgive the other guy, too. Buddy taught me a life lesson. Definitely something but not enough to pursue.

Ready...Aim...

Fire. You're going to shoot me after you read this. I can't even believe I'm going to say it. But I am.

I forgive him.

!!!

"Who?" you might be asking. Or you're just thinking, "Well, she's definitely lost it. I have no idea where she comes up with this nonsense." And if you have replaced the word 'nonsense' with a stronger, less genteel word, then you might need to revisit your New Year's Resolution List. Item #4: Curse less. While most people think conversations with me are in fact nonsensical, I want you to know that I mean what I am saying here. I forgive him.

Forgiveness is one the keys to life. Or a commandment. Or something we're supposed to do. Or just good living. I can't remember...but I know we're supposed to do it. So...I FORGIVE HIM.

Tune in tomorrow to find out who!

Decorator Disabled

Let me fill you in on the excitement of my life.

I'm bored. So bored that I want to go back to school. I need socialization. I'm coming over to spend time with my parents and not be alone. That's how bored I am.

So the excitement of my life...which is just a cover-up for all the scary stuff going on right now: I bought more storage tubs at Target. I went the other day, got two...each for $4. I decided, while packing my apartment, that I needed more tubs for four dollars!!!!!! I went today, picked up two more, headed over to the tape area, got two things of large, Scotch packing tape...with a dispenser. I took it to the check-out, left it with the lady and told her I was going to go back to get a rug. That's right...I bought an area rug at Target. I think it's pretty.

A picture really doesn't do it justice. It's going to go in the 'living room.' This is all still 'in theory' considering I don't actually have keys or anything AND I'm quite possibly the worst decorator ever. It's just not one of my many talents...like singing in an English accent.

So I take my tubs and my tape to the register to wait for me while I go get the rug...because while I am strong, I am unable to carry many cumbersome things at once. I get back, and the cashier has so thoughtfully scanned my 3 items into a receipt already. So she just scans the recipt and it shows $15 and some change. I was like..."WOAH WOAH! Those tubs were supposed to be $4 each!" She was nice and didn't even look angry that I said 'WOAH' to her and told me that the tape was $10. I'm sorry...Scotch tape is $10? Ugh...whatever...I can't have untaped boxes, so okay. My rug was just slightly more expensive than the tape.

I've packed more stuff in my apartment and it's starting to look really sad and lonely. Not a good time for that right now, my friends. But I'll be moving in a few weeks, so that will be exciting.

Sweet Mercies

I write today with a heavy, heavy saddness on my heart and with giant tears in my eyes. I've cried hard before, but I sobbed weighty sobs today. I can barely get through this but I really want to. Gosh, I don't know where to start and this may be all over the map. I'm sorry in advance.

Ever since becoming a Christian, I haven't always known 'the Plan' but believed...through blind faith...that God will work things to my good. I struggle...like most others...with trusting that concept, relinquishing control to Him, patience...but I believe it. I look for the lessons God is trying to teach me...I pray...I listen...I try. Well, God's trying to teach me a lesson here. I hear Him loud and clear. Right now, today. It SUCKS that it took all of this saddness for the last 6 months for me to get it. But I got it. I got it all in 2007.

I posted yesterday on 2007 and reflection and the title was, "And I think to myself..." If you went and listened to the song, it was..."And I think to myself...what a wonderful world." And isn't it?

Our earthly answer is, "Yes it is. This is a beautiful world." And I believe it is: the landscapes and colors and experiences and feelings and emotions and people and relationshps and smells and tastes...and I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot here. It is all beautiful. And God gave it to us to enjoy. He gave us our senses (hopefully) to enjoy it.

But it is so so easily taken. My co-worker lost her husband to a massive heart attack at the age of 39 yesterday. The last day of 2007. They have three daughters: ages 6, 4, and 2. The grief today was incomprehensible. There is no rhyme or reason. And I held her and told her things we both believe about our faith but it was all futile words. She was saying that she knows there was a reason for him to be here and be gone so soon. He was a Christian man and he's rejoicing in Heaven and they'll be reunited again...no doubt about it. She knows she has to be strong for the girls. But those girls will never grow up with their daddy. He played on the floor with them and he was supposed to walk them down the aisle. Veronica kept telling me she lost the love of her life. That's it. It's over for her. And I believed her. She tried to revive him. At least she was with him. Now there are his clothes and his side of the bed and the memories and the dreams. And two nights ago when they went on a date and shared their hopes and expectations for the coming year and for life. Gone. She hugged me and told me to cherish my new nephew (Side note SNL, she has determined you're having a boy!) because it can all be gone. In the moments when I was to console her, we buried our sobbing faces in each other's necks and she showered me with compliments. She told me about how wonderful and amazing I am and how love like that is so rare these days and she knows I'll find it and when I do to hold on for dear life. This woman is strong as stone. She'll be okay...his family will be okay...her family will be okay...those girls will be okay...friends will be okay. God will provide for what we need. For that day...that's what He's promised. Day by day.

It was the worst thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I never, ever, EVER want to experience a pain like that. NEVER. But can we protect against it? Are we strong enough to get through it? I unfortunately felt despair for life stronger than I have before. So much so, that I fear the good things because I consequently fear them being taken away. I can't imagine the loss. I drove home with gigantic tears streaming down my cheeks saying, "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" And it is. Is it worth it? I just don't know. Unfortunately.

So here's my lesson. Yesterday I was saying, "What a wonderful world." Today, I think...

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. ~John 12:25-26


It is shattering that deep, guttural pain reminds me not to love this life as much as I do. It's like God was saying, "How much can I give her to bear? How about I let her endure this...and then this...oh, this too. When will she break?" And I held up as long as I could. And now I can't.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16

Do you remember playing with your older brother (most of us have one, sorry Coco...but I bet the middle daughter did this to you) and he'd pin you down and tickle you, or give you the Indian Torture Treatment or an Indian Burn? In my house, it worked to cry to get the brother to release...but the surefire way to get him to stop was to say, "MERCY!" While I don't feel like God would ever forsake me or torture me, I feel like my heart cries out, "MERCY!" Please stop. Enough.

The last thing I want to share...besides the tender words God gives me through His Word to remind me that there is a rhyme and reason...are the lyrics to this song. As I drove home from visiting Veronica, this Chris Tomlin song was on my CD. It is one that I hadn't payed attention to before. The song is so fitting in how it cries out for Mercy. Sweet mercies. Please read the lyrics. Please pray for Veronica and her daughters Vanessa, Diana, Sophie in the loss of their father and husband, Santos.

"Let Your Mercy Rain" by Chris Tomlin
(I could only find it on Amazon, in a short clip http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000S55CWI/ref=dm_mu_dp_trk10?ie=UTF8&qid=1199240434&sr=1-1)

God, You have done great things
God, You give grace to the weak
And bless the brokenhearted
With a song of praise to sing
You reached down and lifted us up
You came running, looking for us
And now there's nothing
And no one beyond Your love

You're the overflow
You're the fountain of my heart
Let Your mercy rain
Let Your mercy rain on us

You're the faithful one
When the world's falling apart
Let Your mercy rain
Let Your mercy rain on us

How deep, how wide, how long, how high is Your love ... is Your love
How deep, how wide, how long, how high is Your love ... is Your love
Oh, God

Let it rain