Pay it Back

As the saying goes..."Payback's a ditch." Or something like that. Let me share the ways that I've been paid back unpleasantly. I know...you can't wait to read this!

Payback #1. Since the students I teach are 5 and 6-years-old, I like to be above professional reproach and ask them personal questions that I know I can deny later. For example, I will ask kids about their home life, parents, siblings, etc, knowing full well that if they tell their parents that I asked this, I can respond with, "Ha! Kids say the funniest things! Listen to what they told me about you..." I was paid back today. Here's my converstaion with a couple of kids and they got way too personal.

Kid 1: Have you seen 'Enchanted?'
Miss Rose: No.
Kid 2: Have you seen 'Alvin and the Chipmunks.'
Miss Rose: No. I don't see too many kid movies.
Kid 1: Yeah, cause she doesn't have kids. Because she's not MARRIED.
Miss Rose: (slightly irritated) THANK YOU VERY MUCH LITTLE GIRL. I'M CERTAIN WE ALL NEEDED THAT REMINDER RIGHT NOW. (I was thankful for her rationalization of, no marriage=no kids.)
Kid 2: Is it true that if you don't get married, you'll die sooner?
Miss Rose: (even more irritated) NO IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT. You won't die sooner! Where did you hear that?
Kid 2: Kid 3 told me.
Miss Rose: Kid 3 get over here right now!
Kid 3: What?
Miss Rose: (to Kid 3, possibly the sweetest kid, but at this particular moment, he was a punk) Don't you say "what?" to me! Say, "Yes" or "Yes ma'am!" Why are you telling Kid 2 that people who aren't married will die sooner?
Kid 3: I don't know. (runs away, leaving Miss Rose puzzled and more irritated. Punk.)
Miss Rose: (to Kid 2) Why are you asking honey?
Kid 2: Because Kid 3 said if you hug you'll get married and I don't want to get married.
Miss Rose: I hug you guys all the time! It doesn't mean I'll marry you. It's just how you show someone you are proud of them or appreciate them or love them.
Kid 2: Okay. Well, I don't want to kiss anyone.
Miss Rose: You are too young to be kissing...let alone worry about marriage. Go home and talk to your parents about this. Miss Rose is spent. Go play with the blocks or taste glue.

Honest to goodness...that was a FOR REAL conversation I had today...okay, maybe not the part about tasting glue. And someone once told me that teaching Kindergarten wasn't mentally challenging. Well...you try answering life's questions to a 5-year-old. I was also asked today, "Why do people die?"

Payback #2. I have been having a hard time eating recently. Today was a little girl's birthday and she brought cupcakes and I decided to give it a shot. At 2:30pm, I consumed the most superb flour-sugar-water concoction I've ever put into my mouth. I attacked that thing with all the fury of a tornado in Kansas. I didn't even regret that my tongue, lips, and mouth were blue from the pure sugar and cream deliciousness that was once icing.

My payback came at 4:45pm, when that tasty little nugget was securly lodged under my right ribcage around mile 1 of the 4 mile run. I just remembered that Hannah-Montana-cupcake-perfection and kept on trucking.

Payback #3: I realize that through the years, I have avoided many phonecalls from 'gentleman callers' we shall say. It was just easier for me to not respond instead of having an uncomfortable 2 minute conversation. Well, I recognize now that I was a sleaze for not dignifying them with a response and a verbal, "No thank you." It's common human decency to give that to someone. Paybacks a serious ditch on this one because all the times I did that balled into one and I wasn't given a goodbye or a second thought or any remorse. Lesson learned...don't burn guys because they'll burn you back.

Payback #4. I was catcalled no less than 5 times today while I was out running. Lots of stares going on, too. I got a honk from the waste management specialist (aka Trashman), a honk AND A PULLOVER and "HEY!" by two workers in a green truck (admittedly, I picked up speed when they pulled over), a honk from a dude in a blue car (though I think I knew the person), and a wave from someone else. But my FAVORITE of the day was from two dudes in a red truck who yelled out the window, "I SEE YOU BABY! SHAKING THAT..." Oh yeah. They said it. I laughed. And waved. I wanted to stop them to see if they wanted my number. Truly, I'm just glad that the two high school kids thought so highly of a 27-year-old, that they'd jeer. It actually made me feel good...yeah, I still got it.

The payback comes from when I was visiting my college town and there was this cute boy running down the side of the road and I did a quadruple-take and announced to all my friends in the car, "DANG! I miss College Town. There are hot guys everywhere!" To my credit, I didn't lean out the window or honk or solicit myself to the nice young man. I thought about it though. Come to find out that the hot, young man was one of my best friend's future husband. Shout out to E!

Moral here folks: Kharma, pay backs, logic. Watch what you do and say because it's all coming back at ya!